28/01/2013 16:40

 

Golden Keys to Good Parenting (Father & mother)

Parent - Guys to become Men <-> Husbands <-> Fathers & Ladies to become Women <-> Wives <-> Mothers

PRACTICE the following six keys to raising kids. It's not a formula, but rather elements I have seen working and we have personally used successfully.  Parenting is an art of living in this world with your wards.

1. Have an affectionate and affirming relationship.    அன்பான மற்றும் உறுதியான உறவை வைத்திருங்கள்

2. Be open communicators.   திறந்த மனதையுடைய தொடர்பாளர்களாக இருங்கள்

3. Communicate clearly and specifically about sex.     பாலியல் பற்றி தெளிவாகவும் குறிப்பாகவும் பேசுபவர்களாக  இருங்கள்

4. Be a good role model.      ஒரு நல்ல முன்மாதிரியாக இருங்கள்.

5. Stay tuned in to their world.     அவர்களின் உலகத்துடன் இணைந்திருங்கள்

6. Pray for your children, family, yourself and society.    உங்கள் குழந்தைகள், குடும்பம், உங்களுக்காக மற்றும் சமூகத்திற்காக ஜெபியுங்கள்.

 

Discuss in brief:

1. Have an affectionate and affirming relationship.

Growing children is like growing young plants. Every word we say is an opportunity to frame and shape their world. The most crucial thing you can do is speak words of affirmation and affection into their life from the time of their conception.  Most of the parents are not aware of the intuition of their children's mind.  Every words and actions that you are exercising are being noticed by your children. 

Be positive. And don't allow your kids to be negative; even though that's the way we all naturally tend to be. If your child speaks negatively about themselves, correct them, lovingly and firmly. Don't let it pass. The girl who's allowed to say she looks ugly will grow up believing it.  Encouragement is the input of their success.  

What causes children to act and think that way? They're simply repeating the kind of worldview they receive from other people. Watch your words. Do you call yourself fat? Does your wife say she's unattractive?

Instead, affirm and compliment your wife's appearance...and do the same for your children.

When my son Rathish was young, he went through a stage when he stopped eating his food and would get really upset after meals. We had hurt him by commenting on something ridiculous "puchandi" (means a bad man with ugly figure) he had when he ate. We thought it was cute, but he interpreted our comments and fond laughter as a judgment that he was ugly and not able to eat. How old was he? He was just 4 years old!

This really upset us and caused us to be attentive to what we said and how we said it. For our son, that could have been the start of an unhealthy association with food and a damaging eating disorder. The wonderful thing about children is they bend but don't break - just like young plants you can train to climb a trellis. Through our affection and affirmation we were able to correct our mistake and Rathish's perception of his body & figure. Children are very forgiving of our mistakes! They give us the grace to learn and grow as parents.

2. Be open communicators.

Talk about anything, at any time. Continually communicate. I make my daughter Ratna tell me about her day. When she says, "Dad, I can't remember," I stop and make her tell me.  Let them know our family income and expenditure account.  Use them to buy house hold materials and groceries, since they can able to understand the expenses. 

I insist that the channels of communication are open. I've done that since she could talk, because I want the channels to still be open when she is 16.

As parents we have to deliberately train and equip our children with the tools to express their emotions. If I am concerned about something they have done, I don't just tell them it is wrong. I sit them down and say something like: "Sweetheart, I am feeling a little upset about something you said/did and I need to talk about it." I have done this since Ratna began talking, even before she could understand. Now, years later; if she is upset, she says, "Dad, I need to talk to you about something that is upsetting me." Give your child their tools before they need them so they can draw on them in times of need.

For Kindercatern children (both boys and girls) we must educate what is good touch and bad touch. In India around 1/10th of children are suffering child molestation. They should practice to communicate when we are often communicate with them.  Every day activities to be known to the parents. 

3. Communicate clearly and specifically about sex.

Make sex normal. It's a normal, powerful, natural thing. Sociologists tell us that human beings have three major drives: food, shelter, and sex. We talk to our children about money. We talk to them about caring for their home. We need to talk to them about their sexuality. It's going to hit them one day and they need to be able to talk openly with us. Once again, give them the tools to cope before they need them.

We also have to prepare our children for a world that is preoccupied with sex. The Bible calls it lasciviousness, or a preoccupation with lewd sexual behavior; and sure enough, the world is preoccupied with sex.

The Bible also talks about modesty, and that's something we seem to have forgotten in Western church culture. Let me put it to you in straight talk: we are not meant to dress, act, talk, dance, joke in any way that could be seen as a provocative sexual "come on." That is lasciviousness. When you're with your wife, go for it. That's pure. But around your children, or allowing your kids to act out, dress, or behave in a sexual manner, is not acceptable.

All children - boys and girls alike - need to be prepared for this challenge. There is a statistic to the effect that 45 percent of all pornography accessed on the Internet is viewed by women. It's hard to believe, but it points to a change in our society. I've seen this change myself, in what we do. The sexualization of our society has affected both genders. With so many sleazy messages around for our children to imbibe, it's important that Dad is always on approachable (and proactive) source of good, clean wisdom on the subject of sex. It is not your wife's job to have "the talk." Both your daughter and son need to get a balanced, wholesome male perspective as well.   Thanks to Dr.John king said a good father should first become a good man and husband.

4. Be a good role model.

Children are the mimic of their parents and parents should take the initial responsibility of their children behaviour.  Where there's no model, there's a vacuum, and it will be filled.  You have to be a role model for your children and you have to be a good one. The most powerful influences children will ever have are their parents. Please, don't choose to abrogate(do away with something) your responsibility by transferring it to the school, church, or sports coach,ie.society. It's not their responsibility; it's yours.  For most of the children, parents are mimic and girls portrait their fathers as Heroes and boys portrait their mothers as their heroines.    "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven", it means, what you want from your children, you do it to others in your family and society.  

 

     4.1  Establish and set rules.

     Make sure you and your partner stick to the same rules. It’s no good if Daddy comes home and lets the children have chocolate buttons after Mum has said they are only allowed a certain amount of chocolate if they are good! Establishing some ‘family rules’ with your children is a great way to communicate your expectations and be consistent in your parenting.  Share among your family members before establish such rules.  ex...if you want your family members should assemble for break fast at 8.00 am, you must present on the table on time.

 

    4.2 Explain your rules and decisions.

    Always explain your rules and decisions so that your children know exactly why you are punishing/praising them and they can learn from this. For example, ‘My son, I am not going to give you your "chicken 65" until you finish your today's home work".

 

Ephesians 6 : 4 says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

 

    4.3 Avoid harsh discipline & lavish spending

   Many people use the same tactics their own parents used, and a lot of times that meant using really harsh discipline which can make children angrier and either more enclosed or more likely to take it out on others.  Very strict and more liberal are two contrast methods and both are two extremes, but both are to be avoided.  As a parent you should know, at his/her age, what is good for them and what is not to be given.   Most of the higher class people are spoiling their children by encouraging through lavish spending.  Hence, unnecessary and unwanted friendship will be developed and in total the character of the child will be spoiled.  Everything should be in limit and the shopping should be done alongwith parents upto 16 years.  Then, the child will be developed their own behaviour of purchasing materials by consulting their parents.    

It is better not to scold your adult children before opposite sex.

  

    4.4 Treat your child with respect

    The best approach would be to treat your child as respectfully as you yourself would like to be treated.  

 

It is very important for children to feel safe and this can start at home by hanging family portraits around the house, or pictures of them with their siblings in their bedrooms -a great way of giving them a sense of belonging.

Try not to argue with your spouse in front of the children. If they are sleeping, argue quietly. Children may feel insecure and fearful when they hear parents bickering. Also, children will learn to argue with each other the same way as they hear their parents argue with each other. The best way to deal with this is to show them that when people disagree, they can discuss their differences peacefully.

It is better to appreciate even for small work undertaken by your children.

Practice using the necessary formal words like "sorry, thanks, good morning, praise the Lord, have a good season, Greetings, etc"

 

 

Proverbs 22: 6  Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.  My wife used to pray for our children before sun rise and remind the word of God every day as her routine work.   In my 25 years of marriage life, I haven't seen not even a day she left them without prayers.  Amidst misery, dejection, poverty, depression and death bed(even doctors were not able to co-operate) God is helping us to overcome all the situations one by one, slowly and steadily.   

 

Nowadays, lots of corruptions are increasing around the world.  So, both father and mother (parent) are responsible for such crime.  If a father gets bribe from a person, the mother should not encourage such bribe, and vice versa.  If you are getting a bribe, your children will automatically gets bribe in future or atleast tend to get bribe.  Do you like such a sin to be entered into your house, since it is a curse to your whole family?.  

" Share each other's burdens..."  in order to reduce the burden on single shoulder.  Sharing plays a vital role in family maintenance.  Some of you will give you solution for the burdens, since with God everything is possible. Let not your heart be in trouble.  

 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. - Philippians 4:6

For example..If a person is a cigarette smoker, how can you ask your children not to smoke cigarette.   In my school days, I clearely remember that one of my friend's father regularly used to buy cigarettes through his son.  I noticed after some time, my friend stolen one cigarett and rupees from his pocket, when he was sleeping.  So, automatically this type of sin will enters in the mind of children.  So, try to stop this evil entrance at least from this day of reading this article.  

 

5. Stay tuned in to their world.

Always be aware of what your children are feeding themselves - their music, their friends, their movies, their life. Go to a movie with them. Watch the cartoons on TV. Read a book before you let them read it. Listen to their music - stop, listen, and read the lyrics. If your child is depressed, it may be because they're listening to songs with suicidal lyrics. Find out what they're plugging into their ego. You'll have to take responsibility for setting limits on it, too. Control that stuff.

If ever there was a "home invader;" it's the TV. A parent said to me recently, "We have a television in all the bedrooms and our son always goes to sleep with it on - it's a great babysitter."

Well what is little child going to sleep with between the hours of 7:30 and 9:30 at night? It ranges from hard-sell advertisements to programs full of sexual and violent behaviors. You are giving this invited, non-regulated "guest" permission to enter your family and feed your children whatever garbage a pervert producer deems fit for so-called "adult" programming.

If your children watch TV two or three hours every night, that adds up to 14 to 21 hours each week. This box-shaped "guest" invades and influences the behavior and morality of your children - the internet is another familiar "guest" these days. Add 30 hours a week of school teachers and school kids and you have up to 51 hours of external influences on your children. How many hours per week of wholesome, loving parental influence do they get to balance out the others? It's your responsibility to set limits and be consistent about them.

We are technologically updated now and then and be sure that you are also updating since the generation gap may be reduced.  As a parent, we should taught that IT IS MOST IMPORTANT THAT  such inflammatory or provocative words should be avoided while using Face Book (FB), etc.  in the social networking web sites.

6. Pray for your children, family, yourself and society.

It's vital that dads take spiritual responsibility by praying for their kids, their marriages, and their life. You should be constantly asking God for His protection over your family. He'll listen. He'll respond. It is absolutely vital. But the regular family prayers should be conducted by mother, since she is taking care of cooking and she assemble everybody their family in a room and praise God and worship for our family, our society, etc. Then only the children should be aware of the social responsilibity and family responsibility.

If you don't know how to ask God's favor on your family and friends, give us a call. We'll put you in touch with someone who will help. I cannot overstress the importance of a father praying for his family. When Dad's praying, Heaven moves and hell shuts up.

One thing I'm constantly surprised by is the myth that women are more spiritual than men. People who make these sorts of comments must think the Bible is complete fiction. The Bible is predominantly about the spiritual journeys of men as they battle to establish the Kingdom of God and redeem their families.  It is mother's responsibility to tell the moral & religious stories from Bible and various good books in order to get stability to live in this world.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”  The above words from Bible are the simple example to be known firmly in the mind of our children.

"The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the LORD". Proverbs 21:31  So, it is our liability to live practical life before our children and make them work hard for their efforts and the victory lies with the Lord.

 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.   The ways are open in the world, but we have to choose the correct door/way to go into this world.  Hence, it is possible only through God.  God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. Psalm 46:1. Everyday pray and read Bible and know the secrets of God, since He loves you.

God created you, a man, first, because He wanted to establish a divine order - you in close relationship with Him, prepared and equipped to take care of the family He has given you. Christ is Prophet, Priest, and King to the Church. A father is the same thing to his family. 

 

Hope that you understand, father becomes the prime responsibility for their children and wife becomes the partial responsibiltiy to lift up their children.  Hence, if a father and mother are alive, both are having equal responsibility for the lives of their children.

 

Real happiness lies with real love.   Understanding is the base of real love.  Money & age are not only the base for real love.  

If you love your wife and children then only you feel comfort and love the society at large.

 

"Love is patient. Love is kind", this is real Love.